Justin Upton Facts

2007-08-18T14:51:00.002-07:00

Justin Upton once hit a ball during batting practice out of Chase Field that hit a giant in Israel named Goliath, killing him instantly. David was just standing by.
Justin Upton was the reason for all of Ken Griffey Jr.'s injuries.
Justin Upton is what Lyle Overbay and Alex Cintron should have been.
Justin Upton wasn't moved out of the infield because he was bad. He just needed to be closer to all of his lady fans.
Justin Upton is not really 19 years old. He is actually an overgrown 10 year old.
Justin Upton has to put lead in his bat to make it fair for the opposing pitcher.
Justin Upton holds the Single A record for shortstops killed.
Justin Upton is actually Orlando Hudson's dad.
Byung-Hyung Kim was not released because he sucked. Justin Upton actually killed him out of rage.
Justin Upton was the general manager of the 2004 Boston Red Sox. Theo Epstein is his alias.
Justin Upton doesn't sit on the bench. He waits.
Justin Upton doesn't hit 500 ft. home runs for fun. He settles bets.
Justin Upton went through puberty when he was 8 ...months old.
On the eighth day, God created Justin Upton, and everything was better than good.
Justin Upton personally destroyed all of the Diamondback's old uniforms just because he doesn't like purple.
Justin Upton wears custom fit cups. It's that big.
Right before the ninth inning of Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, Justin Upton knocked Luis Gonzalez unconcious, stole his uniform, and played for him.
Justin Upton firmly believes that extra base hits are going out of style.
Justin Upton eats a bowl of nails for breakfast.
Justin Upton invented the homerun. Before him it was called a 'we just got owned by Justin Upton.'
Justin Upton taught Brandon Webb how to pitch.
People call Yankee Stadium "The House that Ruth Built." This is obviously a figure of speech. Justin Upton built it with his bare hands.
Justin Upton was not in the latest video games because their rankings did not go that high.
Justin Upton didn't wait to go to the majors. The majors waited for Justin Upton.
Whenever Justin Upton gets a hit, an angel gets its wings.
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder once saw Justin Upton hit a homerun. That was the last thing they ever saw.
Justin Upton killed the Terminator and took his place.
Justin Upton saved Middle Earth.
Lindsay Lohan once got in a car accident because she was chasing Justin Upton.
Justin Upton jogs on the highway. He calls it racing cars. He has never lost.
Justin Upton gives motivational speeches to Lance Armstrong.
Justin Upton dated Madonna in 1984.
Barry Bonds does not take steriods. He takes essence of Justin Upton.
Justin Upton once painted a portrait of a lady. He gave it to Leonardo Da Vinci, who named it the Mona Lisa.
Justin Upton and his brother B.J. once played with toy blocks in southern England. People later called the location Stonehenge.
Justin Upton single-handedly took down the Death Star.
Sonic the Hedgehog once challenged Justin Upton to a race. So depressed by his loss, Sonic shot himself the next morning.
Justin Upton once beat Mo Vaughn, Prince Fielder, and Joey Chestnut in a hot dog eating contest.
Justin Upton used to be a pitcher. After he killed three catchers, the coaches changed his position.
Justin Upton can throw 180 mph. And that's his curveball.
Justin Upton once dragged his bat in northern Arizona. This formed the Grand Canyon.
Justin Upton can take a women's clothes off without even touching them.
Justin Upton once beat Michael Jackson in a dance contest. Michael Jackson turned white in shame.
Justin Upton was actually the one who found Saddam hiding in his hole... on Google Earth.
Justin Upton turns Chuck Norris gay.
Hitler did not commit suicide. Justin Upton personally beat him to death with his bat.